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What's funny is there's this one chick I attempted to get to know more through facebook as well
and well it didn't work out too well for me. Long story short, I felt like a TOTAL idiot, and to this day I still do. It really feels horrible.
I have my hands tied up with another chick at the moment, and as much as it's awesome to have more than one chick to be involved with (what some guys would think), it's not as awesome as hurting other people's feelings. In addition to you know..it being morally wrong. That's literally the number one factor here because I don't want to be a douche or something. It's really awesome to think someone else thinks I'm cute, considering it happens rarely. But yeah..
Referring back to my story, that whole ordeal that I went through eats me up inside nearly every single day of my life, for an odd reason, and I just don't want to inflict that feeling onto anyone else ever..for like as long as I live. But I'm still a super chill person and a huge nerd guy so I mean, if you hate nerds, ew gross right.
I'm sorry man D:
I get nervous about this sort of stuff too.
I 100% have no doubt in my mind that you're a nice person, it's just I'm already tied up. I'm trying reaaally hard to not hurt any feelings right now and I hope this works because I've been there. Too many times." - Kain
Seriously though...all I said was hello. I know, that he knows, that I think he's cute. But I don't actually know him! and he's acting like I got some serious feelings for him!!!
Well...maybe I do...because I cried.
Oh isn't it great being 16 with ragging hormones that make you cry over small things like this. Ugh. Not to mention the way Austin was acting today. Fucking dick...excuse my language but honestly. What is it with guys, they can be so nice to you one day and the second their friend are around they're absolute assholes.
I know im not the one they want to win, it's a losing game so im losing it. But even the people who finish second get a ribbon. If only I was getting second..im like...586th. What do I get for that? Heart break.
Showing posts with label crushes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crushes. Show all posts
Monday, October 21, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Same shit, different toilet
While you think I would've learned from my Paul situation, I really haven't.
Because now there's Austin.
Austin is like a shiny legendary pokemon, you always want to find one but you never do. To put it regularly, guys like Austin usually never talk to me, for more than a few minutes.
I met Austin freshman year in my "brothers" van. "brother" as in my brothers friend Craig who called me his little sister.
I woke up the morning of that faithful day and put in all my effort to looking good, I wanted to get a certain boys attention(but it wasn't Austin). At promptly 6:55 Craig pulled into the drive way and as usual I got in the van around 7, because I was taking my time in looking hot.
That van might as well have been a runway because the way I got in it was graceful beyond belief. I tripped over a stray hammer and hit my head on the roof of the van. How...Beautiful. With Austin trying not to laugh in the back seat, I felt like the biggest dipshit in the world, but his smile at me was like an arrow through my heart. Which caused me to keep my mouth shut for the entire ride to school to prevent embarrassing myself further.
Once at school and the rest of the school year I was hooked, I wasn't obsessed though. All I did was watch and wait for him to look back at me so I could quickly look away like nothing was happening. Okay maybe I was a little obsessed. But of course I didn't get the lady balls to talk to him until sophomore year... and that didn't turn out too well...he was a douche bag to me, yep I pick the winners. I jokingly might have brought up the fact that I wasn't wearing pants one day and he told his cousin who then told a mutual friend of a friend, who then proceeded to mock me for it. But in my defense I really wasn't wearing pants, I was wearing shorts.
Ugh I was miserable and humiliated, I couldn't look him in the eye for months, actually not until just recently.
Just a regular day of me waiting for my friend in school, and here he comes walking down the hall. In my mind the spot light was on him, all other beings disintegrated like dust, and it was just me and him...and then it came...the smirk. Was he looking at me? Yeah...yeah he was.
For the first time in almost a year, and for the first time ever, Austin was interacting with me, and he was making the first move! but that's not all...he flashed a peace sign. If it were any other guy, he'd be getting the stink eye, but this was Austin. And that small gesture of peace was enough to make my heart spin and my mind jump from my head and send me into the big black hole that is confusion.
While my friends told me it was nothing and to think too into it, I couldn't help myself. I had a feeling.
And what do ya know, my gut feelings were right! The very next day he approached me, and we spoke actual words. While they may have been awkward "yeahs" and some nudges exchanged, I knew this was the real thing. Austin thought I was attractive.
Then began the IMing and more hallways conversations. We were soon on our way to the hugs. Yeah I was falling in love all over again with Austin.
And with my luck and the amount of other girls he was friends with I was praying he didn't have a girlfriend. Buuuut of course, he finally broke the news to me in the lunch line. But he never defined if they were actually dating or just friends with benefits, so I let the matter rest and didn't bring it back up...for 48 hours..
I had to ask so I did. And the answer was yes, she was his girlfriend. Being me of course I told him how I felt and that I wasn't happy that he had a girlfriend...and hinted that I thought he liked me. His response was heartbreaking, he told me not to hold my breath on him because he was sticking with her. Though the fact that he did acknowledge that I had liked him for awhile made me feel a little better. He cared about my feelings and let me down easy.
We've continued to be good friends, and his feelings for me still seem to be apparent. If I'm upset he actually wants to know why, he says he'll always be there for me when I need to talk, and that im one of the few people he actually likes...like friend like..
He still hasn't said if he actually has feelings for me, or if were just friends but right now I kind of don't care. Just being friends is enough for me, ill patiently wait my potential turn.
Because now there's Austin.
Austin is like a shiny legendary pokemon, you always want to find one but you never do. To put it regularly, guys like Austin usually never talk to me, for more than a few minutes.
I met Austin freshman year in my "brothers" van. "brother" as in my brothers friend Craig who called me his little sister.
I woke up the morning of that faithful day and put in all my effort to looking good, I wanted to get a certain boys attention(but it wasn't Austin). At promptly 6:55 Craig pulled into the drive way and as usual I got in the van around 7, because I was taking my time in looking hot.
That van might as well have been a runway because the way I got in it was graceful beyond belief. I tripped over a stray hammer and hit my head on the roof of the van. How...Beautiful. With Austin trying not to laugh in the back seat, I felt like the biggest dipshit in the world, but his smile at me was like an arrow through my heart. Which caused me to keep my mouth shut for the entire ride to school to prevent embarrassing myself further.
Once at school and the rest of the school year I was hooked, I wasn't obsessed though. All I did was watch and wait for him to look back at me so I could quickly look away like nothing was happening. Okay maybe I was a little obsessed. But of course I didn't get the lady balls to talk to him until sophomore year... and that didn't turn out too well...he was a douche bag to me, yep I pick the winners. I jokingly might have brought up the fact that I wasn't wearing pants one day and he told his cousin who then told a mutual friend of a friend, who then proceeded to mock me for it. But in my defense I really wasn't wearing pants, I was wearing shorts.
Ugh I was miserable and humiliated, I couldn't look him in the eye for months, actually not until just recently.
Just a regular day of me waiting for my friend in school, and here he comes walking down the hall. In my mind the spot light was on him, all other beings disintegrated like dust, and it was just me and him...and then it came...the smirk. Was he looking at me? Yeah...yeah he was.
For the first time in almost a year, and for the first time ever, Austin was interacting with me, and he was making the first move! but that's not all...he flashed a peace sign. If it were any other guy, he'd be getting the stink eye, but this was Austin. And that small gesture of peace was enough to make my heart spin and my mind jump from my head and send me into the big black hole that is confusion.
While my friends told me it was nothing and to think too into it, I couldn't help myself. I had a feeling.
And what do ya know, my gut feelings were right! The very next day he approached me, and we spoke actual words. While they may have been awkward "yeahs" and some nudges exchanged, I knew this was the real thing. Austin thought I was attractive.
Then began the IMing and more hallways conversations. We were soon on our way to the hugs. Yeah I was falling in love all over again with Austin.
And with my luck and the amount of other girls he was friends with I was praying he didn't have a girlfriend. Buuuut of course, he finally broke the news to me in the lunch line. But he never defined if they were actually dating or just friends with benefits, so I let the matter rest and didn't bring it back up...for 48 hours..
I had to ask so I did. And the answer was yes, she was his girlfriend. Being me of course I told him how I felt and that I wasn't happy that he had a girlfriend...and hinted that I thought he liked me. His response was heartbreaking, he told me not to hold my breath on him because he was sticking with her. Though the fact that he did acknowledge that I had liked him for awhile made me feel a little better. He cared about my feelings and let me down easy.
We've continued to be good friends, and his feelings for me still seem to be apparent. If I'm upset he actually wants to know why, he says he'll always be there for me when I need to talk, and that im one of the few people he actually likes...like friend like..
He still hasn't said if he actually has feelings for me, or if were just friends but right now I kind of don't care. Just being friends is enough for me, ill patiently wait my potential turn.
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