Paul

Freshman year I met this guy Paul, he was a junior and my god...was he the bees knees. I don't know what I saw in him though, or still do see in him. Long ginger hair, big blue eyes, tall, skinny, absolutely depressed, pale, and he had a girlfriend. I'm not even going to describe how he made me feel.
I'm not attracted to the sick puppies, but maybe the girlish fantasy of having an older boyfriend just drove me straight into his already full arms.
This boy played my heart strings like a violin, but I did not give a crap. As long as I could be around him and have the hope that'd we end up together, I was perfectly content.
Paul was dating my friend Casey....'s friend, Karliegh. I'm not into taking my friends boyfriends, but I don't know Karliegh so why Care. Good thing I didn't too because then I wouldn't be writing this for my blog.

I met Paul after school on a magical day when I was supposed to be in tutoring, and cleverly avoided it by simply not going. Paul, his friend Daniel, and some girl Megan (who I don't like and never will) were in the parking lot of the junior high being total fucking nerds. Casey and I, Casey already knowing paul, approached them and for the 45 minutes that I was supposed to be in tutor I hung out with them.....Then my mom came, saw I wasn't in tutoring, yelled at me, and I had to go home.

Pretty romantic huh? That night I asked Casey what Paul's name was and of course it was Paul...who would've guessed. Oh and she told me about Karliegh and whatever I didn't care! Soon me and Paul were pretty good pals. He told me everything, he told me his problems with Karliegh, his family, depression, and all that junk. Of course this set of my inner "oh yeah I can fix everyone's problem" personality. While trying to help him through his problems I sneakily suggested him and Karliegh broke up. Ya I know, im terrible but whatever I was 14.

I still remember all the cold nights I'd sneak out and go hang out with Paul. Sometimes things got a little sexual...in a park...
My first ever "sexual" experience. It was exciting and riveting, it sent my prepubescent loins on fire. Because we were...ya know...pretending to rape each other...
I know what you're thinking  "how the hell?" well let me explain okay? I'd lay on the picnic table when a car drove by, he'd be on top of me or between my legs pretending to hump me and I'd very jokingly call out for help. Stupid I know but again I WAS 14.

The next day he had told Casey that if he hadn't been dating Karliegh he would've lost control and I probably would've lost my virginity on that picnic table.

Remember Megan? Well heres why I don't like Megan. She liked Paul too, and while I never took things far with Paul, excluding the park thing, this girl went and kissed him. Not just a kiss but a full on sucking face with him.  Of course all out friends, especially me, were pissed as hell at her. PAUL HAD A GIRLFRIEND YOU CANT DO THAT. Of course that makes me a hypocrite but my messing around with Paul was kept under wraps, while she went and just told all of us what happened, feeling guilty of course, but then tried to make us feel guilty about being mad at her. She knew I liked Paul too, but I didn't know she liked him. That's why I don't like her, I mean I could've kissed Paul too but I controlled myself, again excluding the park situation!

This one time (at band camp lol) Paul came to my house, and we were just chilling on the couch...maybe cuddling...and then all of a sudden he got really sad. He said he felt bad about messing around with so many girls while dating Karliegh...that's when I knew I had to stop, I couldn't keep being friends with Paul. After he left I went into my room and cried, I cried because I knew if I kept being friends with Paul my feelings would grow stronger and then I might be a Megan.

So I loosened up on Paul, we slowly grew farther and farther apart, and my feelings just slowly faded away. Last time I saw him was Sophomore year just a week before he was going to graduate, and I haven't heard from him sense. I still think of him but I don't ever see my feelings for him coming back. Bummer but oh well.

Even if you have feelings for someone, sometimes it might just be best to let them go.